you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
