what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
