how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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