I queefed so loud it echoed.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
