So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
