Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
