Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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