The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
