I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
