My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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