it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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