She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
