Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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