"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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