This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
you never un-have a 4some
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
