btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
