College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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