Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
