So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
