Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
We need to get me chipped asap
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
