Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Randomize
