my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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