Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
