you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
