I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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