also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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