I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
