i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Your cock deserves a montage
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
