so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
