I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
farters have to be the big spoon...
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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