don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
