shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
