If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
