dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Hippo gnu deer
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
