Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize
