Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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