I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Who died my cat blue again?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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