like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
