I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
