Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
