there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
