I was born with a shot glass in my hand
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
