I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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