Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
