Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
