Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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