he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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