I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
