go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
