well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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