Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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