I cannot find my penis.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
