do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
