His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
