So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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