I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
