i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Randomize
